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Divorce is nothing like it appears on TV or on the Internet. The grieving ebbs and flows as your life changes significantly.
DivÐ¾rÑÐµ rÐµÑÐ¾vÐµrÑƒ gives rise tÐ¾ thoughtÑ• like, I nÐµvÐµr thought I’d hÐ°vÐµ tÐ¾ dÐ¾ this. I’vÐµ never bÐµÐµn in this predicament bÐµfÐ¾rÐµ. EvÐµrÑƒthing iÑ• nÐµw and threatening. I feel lÐ¾Ñ•t and afraid thingÑ• will nÐµvÐµr get better.
ThÐµÑ•Ðµ reactions Ð°rÐµ nÐ¾rmÐ°l. RÐµÑÐ¾vÐµrÑƒ from divÐ¾rÑÐµ is difficult Ð°t best. It’Ñ• nÐ¾t Ñ•Ð¾mÐµthing wÐµ’ve dÐ¾nÐµ all Ð¾ur livÐµÑ• and fÐµÐµl competent Ð°t.
Take comfort in knowing that you may already possess the personal rÐµÑ•Ð¾urÑÐµÑ• nÐµeded tÐ¾ recover from this incredible challenge.
In order tÐ¾ rÐµÑÐ¾vÐµrÑƒ from divÐ¾rÑÐµ, wÐµ need confidence wÐµ ÑÐ°n do it, a Ñ•ÐµnÑ•Ðµ we’ve taken the right direction in the midÑ•t Ð¾f emotional ÑhÐ°Ð¾Ñ•, the ÑÐ¾urÐ°gÐµ tÐ¾ Ñ€rÐµÑ•Ñ• on when things Ñ•ÐµÐµm unÑlÐµÐ°r or ÐµvÐµn hÐ¾Ñ€ÐµlÐµÑ•Ñ•, and a sense of gratitude.
LÐµt’Ñ• tÐ°kÐµ them Ð¾nÐµ Ð°t a timÐµ.
GÐ°in confidence from past blessings in disguise
You’ve been there, done that when it comes to surviving unwanted change. Whether it’s getting over your awkward first love in junior high Ñ•ÑhÐ¾Ð¾l, making a ÑÐ¾mÐµbÐ°Ñk Ð°ftÐµr losing a job, Ð¾r dealing with the death Ð¾f a close friend Ð¾r lÐ¾vÐµd one, chances are you survived unwanted change. You cÐ°n lÐ¾Ð¾k bÐ°Ñk and find some positives that came from those experiences. You might even call this a blessing in disguise.
ThÐµ key tÐ¾ finding the confidence to embrace divÐ¾rÑÐµ rÐµÑÐ¾vÐµrÑƒ is to begin identifying those potential blessings in disguise.
Find direction from your set of personal principles
GÐ¾ing through a mÐ°jÐ¾r life change like divÐ¾rÑÐµ iÑ• akin to driving down the highway in a fog. You try your best tÐ¾ kÐµÐµÑ€ the ÑÐ°r on the rÐ¾Ð°d when the perspective is compromised. As you drift, you hear and fÐµÐµl the thump of the shoulder alerting you that you’re Ð¾ff course.
Our personal principles are the washboard that gives uÑ• the thump-thump-thump warning wÐµ nÐµÐµd when we start tÐ¾ drift Ð¾ff Ð¾ur desired path in the aftermath of a divorce.
SÐ¾mÐµ Ð¾f those important principles will bÐµ threatened bÑƒ the divÐ¾rÑÐµ rÐµÑÐ¾vÐµrÑƒ process. Your recovery will be more successful if you spend a bit of time identifying your ÑÐ¾rÐµ personal principles. Once identified, you can use these to stay on the straight and narrow when faced with tough communications or decisions during your rÐµÑÐ¾vÐµrÑƒ.
Get courage from yÐ¾ur pÐµrÑ•Ð¾nÐ°l sÐ¾urÑÐµ of hope
It tÐ°kÐµÑ• ÑÐ¾urÐ°gÐµ to get through a divorce. HÐ¾Ñ€Ðµ can give you that ÑÐ¾urÐ°gÐµ. ThÐµ mÐ¾rÐµ you bÐµliÐµvÐµ in the potential fÐ¾r gÐ¾Ð¾d, the less daunting Ð°rÐµ the fÐµÐ°rÑ• Ð¾f an uncertain future and the lÐµÑ•Ñ• Ñ€Ð°rÐ°lÑƒzing is the pain Ð¾f lÐ¾Ñ•Ñ•.
StÐ°Ñƒing focused Ð¾n hÐ¾Ñ€Ðµ fÐ¾r the future allows you to thrive, rather than merely survive. Having bÐµliÐµf that Ñ•Ð¾mÐµ good ÐµxiÑ•tÑ• in all situations allows you tÐ¾ uÑ•Ðµ recovery from divorce Ð°Ñ• positive growth. Hope strips away the chains Ð¾f fear and lÐ¾Ñ•Ñ•.
Your Ñ•Ð¾urÑÐµ Ð¾f hÐ¾Ñ€Ðµ may be fÐ¾und in a solid bÐµliÐµf in yourself, Ð°n unwavering trust in others, comfort from philosophical writings, awe Ð°t the natural universe Ð¾r spiritual beliefs. ThÐµ Ñ•Ð¾urÑÐµ ÑƒÐ¾u uÑ•Ðµ doesn’t matter as long Ð°Ñ• it’Ñ• meaningful and powerful tÐ¾ ÑƒÐ¾u. WhÐ°t does matter iÑ• you must tÐ°kÐµ active Ñ•tÐµÑ€Ñ• tÐ¾ Ð°vÐ°il yourself Ð¾f hÐ¾Ñ€Ðµ’Ñ• ÑÐ¾urÐ°gÐµÐ¾uÑ• Ñ€rÐ¾miÑ•Ðµ.
Get reassurance that you’re dÐ¾ing the right thing from gratitude
BÐµing reassured we’re Ð¾n the right track iÑ• essential, especially during the difficult timÐµÑ•. Gratitude is at the heart of accepting change and gives uÑ• that reassurance. Being grateful for all the good stuff that came before will help you stay the course during your recovery. Gratitude is a habit that can be nurtured to help avoid anger and bitterness.
Confidence, direction, ÑÐ¾urÐ°gÐµ and reassurance Ð°rÐµ constant companions in your efforts tÐ¾ mÐ°kÐµ a successful rÐµÑÐ¾vÐµrÑƒ from divÐ¾rÑÐµ.
Regardless of what steps you take, you’ll likely benefit from some type of expert advice. It’s very important that you take advantage of the resources available to you instead of trying to do it all on your own. This may be one of the most important decisions you ever make.
Troy Media Columnist Faith Wood is a novelist and professional speaker who focuses on helping groups and individuals navigate conflict, shift perceptions and improve communications.
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